#12daysofChristmas 11.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me eleven piper’s piping. – – –

“Damn rats are everywhere!” The chancellor exclaimed. “Where are the rat catchers? The poisoners?”

“Sent for!” His privy council exclaimed.

The chancellor lifted his gold goblet to take a quaff of wine. A large rat chittered at him over the rim. “Salat und Bohnen!” He exclaimed. “Will no one relieve this misery we suffer from?”

The was a knock at the chamber door.

“Eingeben!” The privy council exclaimed.

The doors swung open, a pair of tall leather and bronze clad guards held their knobs. In came a emaciated figure clad in motley; reds, yellows, blue, green. Every color not found in nature was stitched together to cover his thin frame.

“Ich bin hier!” The stick thin figure bowed, sweeping the floor with the bedraggled feather in his cap. “I come to solve the rat problem.”

“You do?” The privy council asked.

“Ich mache.” He smiled. “What do you want done with them?”

The privy council frowned.

“Remove them! What else would we want?” The chancellor shouted. “They are everywhere.” He picked up his goblet and waved the chittering rat around.

“Every one of them?” He tapped his chin and looked at the gilt edging on the ceiling frescos. “I will need assistants. It will be costly.” He looked at the chancellor and privy council in their ornate garments, the rings on their fingers.

“Anything! We must be free of rats!” They exclaimed.

The thin man reached in the satchel that hung over his shoulder and rested on his hip. He extracted a thick parcel of papers. “Very well. This is my standard contract.” He set it on the table and extracted an inkwell and quill from the pouch. He flipped through several pages. “So on line fifteen we will write in ‘all the rats’ and on line sixteen we add ‘within city walls’ then on line ….” He flipped past several pages. “Two hundred and fifty-seven we will write five gilders per.” He looked up at their collective gasp. “That includes disposal and environmental impact statement, shipping and handling. I cover lodging, food, travel expense, overhead, chap stick and ear plugs for my employees. You are required to issue proclamations declaring your intent to have Piper International.” He smiled around the table at them. “Which is me and my crew. To have Piper International lodge within the city fortifications for the purpose of removing all the rats from within the city ramparts to a location outside of the city enclosures as described in section …” he paused and flipped a few pages. “forty-six, paragraph fourteen.” He flipped to the last page. “Now, I need each of your signatures on this page.” He went to each member of the privy council and had them sign. “Now, your grace. If you would just sign on the bottom line.” He pointed and handed the quill.

Smiling he straightened up and gathered the sheets back into a bundle. After putting the packet back into his satchel, he smiled. “The only thing left is the deposit.” He looked at the ceiling and began tapping his chin with his forefinger. “A city this size … with stockades that surround and x equals the number of citizens divided by the number of households … carry the one, add ….” He closed his eyes, frowned for a few moments, then opened them and smiled. “Exactly twenty-three thousand, five hundred and sixteen gliders.”

The chancellor and privy council’s mouths dropped open. Even the rat in the goblet looked shocked.

“That’s twice as much as in the city treasury.” The chancellor whispered.

The thin man frowned. “Well, I could remove only half the rats.”

The privy council shook their heads. The chancellor held up his hand. “If you could give us a moment to discuss this …?”

“Of course.” The thin man bowed and went back out while the guards pulled on their knobs until the doors shut, twisting them to be sure.

“If we don’t get rid of the rats, the people will leave and there will be no one to tax.” The privy council pointed out.

“Agreed. We will make up the rest from our own pockets. For now, let each of us contribute thirty-five hundred and sixty gilders from our personal accounts. We will dip into the city coffers after the rats are gone. During the celebration no one will notice.” He picked up the speaking tube. “Send out an immediate proclamation. Let it be known that the rat catcher shall immediately begin removing the rats from the city.”

The privy council nodded and exited through various secret passages to their homes and private fortunes. The chancellor went to the book case, tipped a book out and went down the hidden staircase. Within the hour seven bulging bags of gilders were sitting on the table.

Nodding to the privy council, the chancellor called out. “You may come back in now.”

The doors opened and the thin man smiled as he stepped into the room. “Ah, very good. Now that I have the deposit, we can begin.” He reached for the first bag, hesitated and looked at the first privy councilor. “I wonder. If you could assist me, I would be able to get started that much sooner. My carriage waits outside. If you gentlemen would take your bags out and place them just inside the door, I will start preparations.”

They smiled and followed him out the door and down the staircase, bulging bags clutched to their bosoms. Opening the carriage door he gestured. As they placed the bags on the floor of his carriage, he went to the back and opened the trunk. He pulled out a strange looking device and began screwing various parts together. He looked up when the last bag was placed inside. “Ah, thank you gentlemen.” He finished assembling the strange apparatus and stood. Placing an slender tube in his mouth he began blowing in it. A bag held under his arm began to inflate.

Neither the privy council nor the chancellor noticed when the sacks bulging with gilders disappeared through a trap door in the floor of the carriage.

When he was satisfied that it was full enough, he walked around and shut the carriage door. He knocked on it three times and stepped back.

The door opened and a man stepped out. He was holding a device similar to the thin mans under his arm. He bowed to the privy council and chancellor, shut the door and knocked on it three times. Another man stepped out. This was repeated eight more times. The ten men that had come out of the carriage formed a circle next to the carriage. The thin man stepped in front of the chancellor and privy council.

He smiled. “If it would please your august sirs, I would like to suggest that you wait outside of the city gates so that you may see for yourselves the rats as they leave the city. My carriage will be happy to take you there now.”

They looked solemnly at one another and nodded. The chancellor bowed slightly. “Thank you. That is a capitol idea.” He climbed in first, the privy council followed.

The thin man nodded to the driver and brushed the side of his nose with his finger. As the driver started off with a crack of his whip, the thin man faced the ten men with their strange devices.

“All right, lads. Form up.” His voice had an edge to it now. It was voice that is recognized around the world as belonging to a Sergeant Major.

They quickly formed two lines.

“At the quick, now. Scotland the Brave and look sharp.”

The drones kicked in first, then the pipes began as they marched down the main street to the city square.

Meanwhile, the carriage had reached the gates and passed through. The driver rapped on the roof. “Gentlemen. You will find this a grand spot to view the spectacle.”

The privy council and the chancellor climbed out and stood on a slight rise that looked down upon the city gates.

“Now, gentlemen.” The driver called to them. “If you will excuse me, I must return to do my part.” He tipped his cap to them and went back into the city.

The chancellor watched as the carriage went back through the gates. He frowned as he watched the gates closed. He turned to the privy council. “How will the rats get out with the gates closed?”

The privy council shrugged. “The same way they got in?”

As soon as the gates shut behind the carriage, the driver nodded to the guards and touched the side of his nose. They dropped the heavy iron bar across them and followed the carriage. As he started toward the city square, he pulled a lever. A banner unrolled on each side of the carriage; THE AMAZING MAURICE AND HIS EDUCATED RODENTS.

As he pulled to a stop in the center of the square, the thin man shouted. “All right, lads. Radar Love. Put your hearts in it, ya scunners.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97fU3OZYxII&list=PL0Zexh5_CPMMSJG2M9dZKxwkZDcUDXD5j&index=40

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